An Open Letter to That Girl Who Cut My Hair Seven Months Ago:
Hello again, my friend. I think you’d be cool with me calling you friend, even though we haven’t spoken (other than e-mail) since that fateful day in Little Rock Rocks, Ark (working title, y’all). We spent four hours together that day thanks to your uncertain I’m-still-learning hands, and while I’m sure that most people will agree that’s just slightly longer than the norm, the extra hour it took to rat my hair to that incredible height? Worth it.
Besides, Hair Gal, four consecutive hours is more than I’ve spent with many of my dearest friends as of late. So in that respect, we’re practically BFF’s.
I’ve thought of you often the past few months. Not in a creepy stalker-esque way, no, more leaning to the older sister end of the spectrum. That’s right, on this spectrum, apparently stalkers are on one side, and big sisters are on the other. Don’t judge me.
Oh, Hair Girl, there’s that word, judge.
(shudder).
There we were, chatting away about all normal topics: boys, family and (ugh, I even hate typing this word) Twilight, when you began to share, slowly at first, a little about your life. About growing up without a father, and just barely a Mom. About the day you found out you were pregnant at 17. About working a second job to put yourself through cosmetology school.
“A second job?”, I asked. “Where?”
Your eyes filled with tears, and you paused…one beat…two beats…three be-
“I…strip. I’m a stripper”, you whispered. “And I hate it.”
Our eyes locked and you turned away, ashamed. I slowly spun myself around in my chair and grabbed your hand fiercely. You grabbed back with both hands-a lifeline-, and began babbling about how it was justfornowuntilyousaveup and I sat, trying to understand why you would need to explain yourself to me. I took a breath to tell you it was okay, and realized it wasn’t okay. Not because it wasn’t okay to me- this had nothing to do with me- because it wasn’t okay to you.
And there we stood, Hair Gal, frozen in a ridiculous picture in the middle of your salon with other nameless unimportant faces gaping at us as we clasped hands. Tears slid down your face. And mine.
Hair Gal, I know some people won’t understand this letter to you. They’ll think “Stripping? So what?”
That wasn’t the point, was it, sweet girl? It wasn’t about a place. For you, the Strip Club might have well have been any number of things/places/horrible men. It was about feeling trapped. It was about the humiliation of men treating you, of allowing men to treat you, as less than a valuable human. It was about-
emptiness.
Before I left I hugged you, tight, until you laughed and gave me your e-mail, saying it wasn’t the end of our friendship.
Oh, my precious babe. I laughed too, because I knew I wanted that hug to be more than it could be, I wanted it to be enough for you to have a new life. I willed with everything in me that one hug could tell you you are worth so much more, you are worth: a beautiful life.
You are worth the life you were Created to have.
I don’t think that moment changed you.
But Hair Gal, it changed me.
How many times have I judged the girls who work at places where men can objectify them? How many times have I added to their shame by looking into broken spirits with accusatory eyes, adding my voice to the many that tell them they are less? Worth less? Worthless?
Hair Gal, you told me things I already knew, somewhere. That each woman has a story that is not spelled out on tight-fitting t-shirts or stiletto heels. Real stories that are painful and confusing and entrapping.
I’m sorry that you ever pulled your eyes away from mine. I know shame makes us feel like less. I know, because I’ve been there.
Not exactly where you are (were?) my sweet friend, but I’ve been in places where I felt like less than I was, where I felt unworthy, and these are my words to you:
You are beautiful. You matter.
That day I remembered that my job for this time on earth is to love. Not judge.
And I remembered that my worth does not come from my job, or family, or even who I am, it flows directly from the fingertips of my Creator.
I hope someday you might feel the touch of those life-giving Hands, my friend.
Until we meet again, Hair Gal. Thanks for being real and open with a blonde girl who laughs too loud and cries too easy.
Hugs,
Ann